I enjoyed our church zoom meeting yesterday. It was great to see so many people connecting up and being family together, but, after each meeting that we have, I wonder about those who didn't manage to get on line for whatever reason and I hope that they are ok and know that I am thinking of them. After a while we had some dinner in the evening and then collectively watched the Queen's message, along with some news, but I could feel my mood slipping as I continued to be concerned about various people with the realities of living life under the virus being emphasised once again.
Now it's Monday morning following hard on the heels of a night spent in restlessness and wakefulness that's left me tired and flat. I'm thinking about how to make the most of the day and bring some creative energy to my tasks but that all needs self-motivation and I know I need a helping hand, some external input. But I'm drawing a blank.
Of course, the best thing to do is to talk to God about how I feel. And, hopefully, listen a little. I'm just a bit slow to turn to Him at times that's all. Well, this is what I was led to consider in Psalm 23:
I sometimes imagine I'm in a garden with the Lord, just the two of us. 'He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters'. (Ps 23:2) In that garden, everything is put on hold while I simply enjoy being in the presence of Jesus. I can feel the tension lifting and my clarity returning. Everything gets a little softer, a little more bearable. I'm sure there are many of you that meditate in this way. It's about finding stillness amongst the quietness.
'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me' (v4) There's no one better to be with than Jesus. It doesn't matter what the situation, whatever we are fearing or going through, He's the One we need. But I can so easily forget to engage with Him in an honest way and so I stay in a place of fear and confusion for longer than I need to.
'Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever' (v6). I know we follow in the Lord's footsteps as He goes ahead of us, but He is also walking behind us, watching our backs, putting an arm on our shoulder, clearing up the mess we've made. And what's more, as well as all of that, God wants me to dwell in His house with Him, despite my tendency towards melancholy and self depreciation. God has plans for my future and they include living with Him.
Wherever you're at today, remember, in the words of Amy Grant that, 'there's someone who really loves you, who'll never go away'. Talk to Him and tell Him how you feel. It's helping me.